I'll start my diet on Monday

I'll start my diet on Monday. How many times have you said this to yourself? I've said it too many times to count. Today I said to my husband that I was going to start my new weight loss efforts on Monday and he asked me why I was waiting because I could start tomorrow. I could but I'm not going to and I'll tell you why.

I have decided to go on a mission: Operation Fat Girl. Operation Fat Girl is like a military mission only it's my weight loss mission. Missions take planning. I'm going to make my list of reasons why I want to lose weight, plan the menu for next week, go to the grocery store and get healthful foods to keep as snacks and to cook next week and go through the pantry and refrigerator and throw out or donate everything that isn't on the new regime. I obviously can't do it all by tomorrow so I've decided to start on Monday. Oh and let's be honest! I want to eat myself into oblivion before Monday!

I have a long journey ahead of me. I don't know what my official weight is but I know about what it is. Even my husband doesn't know this information. Yet. It's embarrassing and humiliating to admit it. I don't know if I can do it. I've tried so many times before and, although I've had some successes in the past, I've also failed many times too. I really want this time to be different. I do. I just need to wrap my mind around everything and get truly committed.

My goal is to lose between 130 and 150 pounds. Yikes! Most of my friends don't even weigh as much as I want to lose. Why do I want to lose weight? There are so many reasons and I will share those later but the single most important driving factor for me at this point is that I am 41 years old (almost 42) and I want to have a baby. Time is running out ... rapidly. I'm worried that if I try to get pregnant (if I can even get pregnant at my "advanced maternal age") that I will not be healthy and, more importantly, that the baby would not be healthy.

I'm already panicking. I just don't see how I'm going to do it. Well, my husband has arrived home and I have to admit that I had hoped he would read my mind and stop on the way home to bring me a chocolate shake. See! This is the kind of thinking, hoping and actions that have gotten me to this point: obese.

My mission should I chose to accept it: to be a formerly fat girl unafraid to try things or do things because of my weight.

Until tomorrow,

Fat Girl